Computers [4/20/2000] Computers. Bleh. I hate them, I swear. My computer broke months and months ago, right? So a friend of mine sends me a new one. Know what happens? Shortly after I get it, it starts acting up. Okay. Fine. I deal with the rebooting every 2 seconds, and the other problems. I go out of town for awhile. I come home. The computer doesn't work. How does it break when no one's touching it? It's beyond me. So, being stupid, I start looking around inside the computer. Here's a lesson for everyone. Definately unplug your computer first! Duh, of course. Everyone knows that right? Right. *Sigh* Sparks and smoke. It was fun. So now my computers *Really* trashed. So I borrow a laptop. I'm stuck in PCAnywhere, I can't do anything almost.. But hey, it's computer access, right? Next thing I know, most of my webpage is missing. Gone. And you might ask. "Well don't you have a backup of it?" Yes, of course I do. On my now fried computer. ARGH. Welp, I saved some of my pages out of boredom on this laptop the other night, so I'm fixing what I can.. But I mean, shit. How much trouble can one person have? Not to mention I'd been unable to update my page in months. I guess it doesn't matter now, because it would all be gone anyhow. *Sigh* Three or four years worth the stuff. Gone. Maybe permanently. Did I mention I hate computers today? While I'm at it. I'd just like to say that I'm tired of "friends" who aren't really friends, people who don't leave you alone when you ask them to, and people who feel the need to packet constantly for stupid reasons. YOU ALL SUCK!. Okay, I'm done.

Bitter [12/7/1999] Funny thing is, I don't have anything particular I feel like ranting about, more like a bunch of little things that are all adding up. Basically, I'm just tired of life today. This week. This month. This year. This whole entire life. Blah. I don't know what my problem is. I have this amazing little girl whom I adore and love so very much, who makes me smile and laugh, and brings light into my often dark and dismal world. She's so great. And yet, here I am 'ranting' anyway. Go figure. It feels as if everything has been dumped on me all at once, and just when I start to think things cannot possibly get any worse, well, I'm proven that, yes, indeed, they can. It's to the point that I feel if I even think that, I'll just jinx myself and it'll become worse because of me thinking that. Sad, huh? I'm stressed. Plain and simple. I'm fighting with everyone, or so it seems. On IRC, off of IRC, whoever, wherever. It doesn't matter, we just argue. Mostly, I argue with my mother. Things are very tense. After that would come a few select people that I talk with from online. Not of course that our arguments are limited to being online, they of course, travel to the telephone as well. Hell, and with the fact that I've been meeting people, I suppose they'll end up in person as well. Such luck. A lot of the fighting is my own fault, and I know it. I'm so bitter, and stressed, and tired, and agrivated. I just don't have *any* patience to spare, especially not on what seems so insignificant suddenly, though I know previously I cared a great deal more. And it's not that I don't care. It's just that I don't have the energy to care. Can no one ever understand me?! And then there's school. Ahh... Procrastination is not my friend. I've been fooling myself for a long time, by trying to convince myself that it was. Oh well. My mother was right. (God, I hate to admit such a thing.) Here I sit, with less than a week left of time before I must be completely finished with my assignments from last semester. Am I finished? Of course not. And what am I doing right now? Oh yeah, that's right, writing on here. I still have all this work, that's piling up, and I'm trying to finish it, but essentially all I'm succeeding in is losing my mind. If I had a mind to begin with. I'm not so sure anymore. And of course, finals for my current classes are next week. And unfortunately for me, I don't even have a clue what we're discussing in those classes, due to the fact that I can't seem to find a baby-sitter *anywhere*. Any of you people feel like flying to Montana to rescue me? Heh.. So, yes. I'm testy, irritable, sarastic, rude. I'm being a complete jerk to everyone, just about. I just wish everyone would realize that I can only take so much. Help!

skOt [8/17/1999] It makes me sick. Entirely sick. I've been seeing just how cold-hearted and insensitive some people really are. And it's almost more than I can handle. Even people I thought I knew well, showing their true colors. A friend I knew on IRC passed away within the last week, 4 days ago to be exact. I didn't know him nearly as well as many, but I've talked with him and many of his local friends, quite often. To watch the sadness of his friends as they mourn their friend and try to deal with his death, while continuing in their every day lives is a very sad thing. To hear about how his family is dealing is quite sad as well. To have known this person, if even briefly and only on IRC and perhaps on the phone for a moment here or there, to know that he seemed like a great guy, and I had hopes of meeting him some day, to know that he's gone forever. It's a sad thing. Yes, I'm talking about skOt for any of you who haven't figured that out. And what makes me so entirely sick is the attention that this tragic occourence has recieved--not the condolences, but the laughter, the jokes, and the childish, sick torment towards the people who loved and cared about skOt. I can't comprehend it. The death of someone, anyone, to me--it's not funny in the least. And yet these people are laughing. And if that were not enough, they are making webpages to further make fun of the incident. And if *that* were not enough, they are on IRC /msg'ing and /join'ing channels of the people who were close to skOt, who lived by him and hung out with him daily.. Laughing, making jokes, making them feel like it's their fault. I wish I could find the words to express just how angry this makes me. To watch people that I care about so hurt and to have random strangers try to make it worse? Have people no tact? Have people no morals? Have people no understanding? And my final message.. My message to all of you people that laugh. That make jokes. That torment. I want you to think about it this way. Say it wasn't skOt, say it was your best friend. How would you feel? Would you be laughing then? And how the hell would you feel if you had people harassing you about it? Get a clue people.

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