(written 7/21/97)

Well Sam died yesterday. She was so sick. I'm taking this pretty hard. I knew she was sick for quite awhile. But I didn't take her to the vet until yesterday. Shawn came to my door and said I needed to come see my cat right away. I knew... right then. I jumped up and ran out of the room. Chris came with me. She was so sick... so cold... so far gone already. Barely anything to her... Only 4.9 lbs... She was barely breathing and could hardly move.

I couldn't take it. Went into the kitchen and cried while Chris held me. Julie said she was dead... oh god. But she wasn't. Shawn brought her into the kitchen and mom called the vet. She was dying. As much as it hurt, I couldn't just let her die... not without me being there next to her. She was my baby, my darling kitty. So many years... All my time with her, just about gone.

So I pet her and stayed next to her, just let her know how much I love her... Time to go. She rode with Shawn and Julie, and Chris took me and Jennifer. It almost seemed like a funeral procession line.. I didn't know how to feel.

We got there and the vet checked her.. said nothing could be done. My poor Sammer-kitterz. So small.. so fragile.. she seemed so alone.

I wonder if she knew she was leaving us.. did she know how very much she meant to me? Just how much I love her? Was she scared? Was she in pain?

I got to spend some time with her. I just kept petting her and loving her. Until the vet said it was time.

In the waiting room.. I could hear her sickly meow. Remembering that as we were leaving that room, she had straight up suddenly.. eyes wide open. I had walked back to her and hugged her, kissed her, and left.

Five minutes after that meow, another one.. loud.. like she was screaming...

Poor Sammy... How I wish I would have been brave enough to be right next to her.. she could have died with the person she loved the most right there.. instead she died with a stranger.

And then it was over. The vet brought her out, her body.. so we could take her home to bury her. She's gone. My precious Samantha is gone. Forever. And I'll never get her back. But I'll never stop loving her, or missing her...

Love, PLM

I wrote this about Sam last year, the day after she died. I've meant to put it on my page since then, but hadn't the chance to sit down and do it until now. I have a new cat now, Lacy. I love her very much, but I'll always miss Sammy. She was my best friend, and I lost her. It was hard, but I know that I will always love her and always think of her.

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last updated: 5/1/98